Sunday, October 01, 2006

“Pledges,” Boycotts, Heisman winners, and one great Coach

As most of you know, the majority of these dispatches are fairly lighthearted and revolve around the world of sports, beverages, and tobacco – all excellent vices for good ol’ American boys – and all delivered with a healthy dose of smartassness. But sometimes something else catches your eye and just flat out makes you irate, such Hugo Chavez…

Boycott Citgo - Remember the great scene from Animal House,
[Watching Flounder take abuse at ROTC]
"Otter: He can't do that do that to our pledges.
Boon: Only we can do that to our pledges.”
Same thing applies here in regard to Hugo Chavez of Venezuela. That fat, pinko, commie bastard has some nerve to come to the United States and call our President, "the devil" and "an alcoholic." If you're an American, and you have something to say about our President, that's one thing. You're practicing your freedom of speech. Hopefully you participated in the voting process too, otherwise your complaints are worth about as much as the hot air that came out of your mouth. But if you're not an American citizen, and you come to our country and insult our President, then don't let the door hit your ass on your way out. Now as for this jackass, I say we hit him in the wallet. Did you know his country owns Citgo. That's right, go to their website and read for yourself. Since his country owns the company, guess who has his hand in the till like it's his left pocket? That's right. El Chewbacca Chavez. So skip boycott Citgo and teach him a lesson. Oh yeah, and if you think the idea of a boycott is outlandish, then why is the 7-Eleven brand of convenient store/gas stations ending their agreement with Citgo?

Heisman Talk – Forget all this hype about Troy Smith, Brady Quinn, and others. The MAN in college football is Oklahoma’s Adrian Peterson. Hands down. He’s been a stud since day one, and is truly the most outstanding player in college football. Look at his numbers, watch a game, see for yourself. Everyone knows Oklahoma is going to run the ball yet no one can stop Peterson. Strike a pose young man, you deserve it.

Mario Williams – Houston, Houston, Houston. Don’t you wish you could replay the past? Yes we’re only 4 games into the season, but Williams has yet to record a sack. He’s also being blocked by a single player each game – not even being double teamed?! Apparently some have started to question his effort. Really? That was the concern when he played at NC State. No one’s more physically talented, but so many more have the drive. Hope for his sack he steps up his game before the dreaded “B” word sticks to him. Yes, I mean “Bust.” What makes Mario’s efforts look even worse? Check out what last year’s Heisman winner Reggie Bush is doing for the Saints. Has yet to score a touchdown, but the man is electric whenever he touches the ball. Now they’d started to use him as a decoy, such as the double reverse fake against Atlanta on Monday Night.

If I were my friend, the A.D. of a certain university, and I needed to hire a new football coach, one of the first phone calls I’d make would be to Bob Toledo, the current offensive coordinator at New Mexico. Who, you’re asking? Bob Toledo, former coach at UCLA who went 49 – 32 in seven years. He was building the Bruins into a perennial winner, but then across town at USC, this coach named Pete Carroll started to win everything…Hard to compete in the same town as one who wins national championships, but Toledo was good and didn’t deserve to be fired. The man could flat out recruit, see names like Deshaun Foster, and the only flack fired at him was he needed a new defensive coordinator. But if I were you A.D., and failing to follow the advice of B.C.P. Baby, I needed to hire a new coach, I’d call Bob Toledo. You can thank me later.

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