Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Ayatolla of Smartassola

Yes! That's right, that's right. The Ayatolla of "Smart ass-ola!" Got it? Good. I have to remind people of this from time to time as they start to look at me through narrowed eyes, wondering, "Is he serious?" Or sometimes, "What is he talking about? I'm not sure but I'll act like I do..." Yes, yes, a rather common occurrence for those who trod on the plains of seriousness without ever looking up or jumping into a puddle. Those are the most suspicious folks, the ones I wouldn't want to open beverages with, or deal in to a hand of "dealer's choice."

For those of you, three so far, that have asked me, "Who's A.D.?" It's short for Athletic Director. Do I really know one, or did I really go into someone's office and spread the gospel of B.C.P.? Maybe, maybe not. Just remember it's the Ayatolla of Smartassola! And that may help lead you to the enlightened land. Yeah!

Did you hear USC was furious about Brent Musberger broadcasting Booty's hand signal of "hang loose" at the end of USC's game? It's apparently his signal to his wide receivers that he's identified the defensive coverage as man-to-man. Come on, chill out and drink a Yoohoo. What are you crazy? Any slob with time to spare and a VCR who wanted to figure out a signal like that could. Troy Smith's of Ohio State was tapping the top of his helmet. Hey USC, what is that rocket science for ya? Opposing coaches pour over game film like dateless guys, okay all guys, over Playboy. And I'm not talking 'bout the articles, if you know what I mean. So lighten up, there USC. If you want to keep it a secret, here's another brilliant idea from the top of the genius pile - don't tell a reporter. What you should be more irate about is your nickname. Who decided to call your teams the Trojans? Obviously they didn't bother to ask Dr. Reada Classicsometime. Trojans? From Troy? Let's see, their best warrior was killed by Achilles, his body dragged around the city, and their city was burned to the ground by the Greeks. To borrow from the Guinness lads, "Brilliant!"

And for all you whiners bemoaning the state of the Panthers. Re-freaking-lax. Go chill out in the stands in the Yoohoo section with USC. The season has barely started. Yes, they're 0-2. But have a little faith in Coach Fox. There's a lot of games left and whole lot can change between now and January. So go crack one open. I am, though it'll be a little stronger than Yoohoo..."Brilliant!" Ah yes. Exactly.

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