Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Fall and Thanks

Beautiful time of year, eh?

If you don’t like the Fall, buddy, you got problems. It’s still warm enough for shorts during the day and cool enough for jeans – your whole closet is fair game and thus, you can maximize your between laundry time until a veritable Vesuvius has piled up. Just keep the ‘ol undies clean okay? Remember what your Momma said, “Be sure to wear clean underwear in case you’re in a wreck.”

The best part of Fall, and yes, I capitalized it ‘cause it’s that damn special, is Football season. What the hell has happened to my beloved ‘Noles? The ACC has finally caught up with them in terms of speed, but the ingenuity of the offensive has disappeared. Sorry Jeff Bowden, but it is what it is. For several years Chris Rix took the blame for you, but now you’re all out of excuses. Why am I able to watch Florida, that most loathsome of a swamp-hole, and feel my jaw drop at their offensive play calling? It’s not that they have better athletes, it’s that they possess better offensive schemes. Guess where those schemes come from? You guessed it – coaches. Seen the way they interchange Tebow with Leak? Why are the ‘Noles unable to implement Xavier Lee into the gameplan? You better use him now, because I’m willing to wager he’s going to transfer in the spring. I think back to the play calling in years past under coordinators like Mark Richt, now the coach at Georgia, and it was brilliant. Even Brad Scott before him had a wide open playbook. And now? Vanilla - plain and simple. Flip over to ESPN Classic sometime. Bowden was known for at least 4 plays from his bag of trickery a game. It kept defenses on their toes and their heads on a swivel – never knew what was coming next. Until something changes they are not a top 25 team. They’re a top 5 team in terms of talent (number 3 recruiting class last year behind Florida and USC), but only top 50 in terms of execution. Maalox Bowl? Tums Bowl? Toilet Bowl? Yes, I’d like to make a reservation…

Damn does my lawn look good right now. Thick, green, lush. Just another reason to love the Fall, if you have a cool season grass like fescue. I used Scott’s Heat Tolerant Blue to overseed after aerating it a couple weeks ago. And though the seed was expensive, hey, you get what you pay for.

Let’s end on a note of “stand up and cheer” patriotism. Thank you Anheuser Busch for your advertisement thanking our Armed Forces. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch what some have called the "Best Commerical" here.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

“Pledges,” Boycotts, Heisman winners, and one great Coach

As most of you know, the majority of these dispatches are fairly lighthearted and revolve around the world of sports, beverages, and tobacco – all excellent vices for good ol’ American boys – and all delivered with a healthy dose of smartassness. But sometimes something else catches your eye and just flat out makes you irate, such Hugo Chavez…

Boycott Citgo - Remember the great scene from Animal House,
[Watching Flounder take abuse at ROTC]
"Otter: He can't do that do that to our pledges.
Boon: Only we can do that to our pledges.”
Same thing applies here in regard to Hugo Chavez of Venezuela. That fat, pinko, commie bastard has some nerve to come to the United States and call our President, "the devil" and "an alcoholic." If you're an American, and you have something to say about our President, that's one thing. You're practicing your freedom of speech. Hopefully you participated in the voting process too, otherwise your complaints are worth about as much as the hot air that came out of your mouth. But if you're not an American citizen, and you come to our country and insult our President, then don't let the door hit your ass on your way out. Now as for this jackass, I say we hit him in the wallet. Did you know his country owns Citgo. That's right, go to their website and read for yourself. Since his country owns the company, guess who has his hand in the till like it's his left pocket? That's right. El Chewbacca Chavez. So skip boycott Citgo and teach him a lesson. Oh yeah, and if you think the idea of a boycott is outlandish, then why is the 7-Eleven brand of convenient store/gas stations ending their agreement with Citgo?

Heisman Talk – Forget all this hype about Troy Smith, Brady Quinn, and others. The MAN in college football is Oklahoma’s Adrian Peterson. Hands down. He’s been a stud since day one, and is truly the most outstanding player in college football. Look at his numbers, watch a game, see for yourself. Everyone knows Oklahoma is going to run the ball yet no one can stop Peterson. Strike a pose young man, you deserve it.

Mario Williams – Houston, Houston, Houston. Don’t you wish you could replay the past? Yes we’re only 4 games into the season, but Williams has yet to record a sack. He’s also being blocked by a single player each game – not even being double teamed?! Apparently some have started to question his effort. Really? That was the concern when he played at NC State. No one’s more physically talented, but so many more have the drive. Hope for his sack he steps up his game before the dreaded “B” word sticks to him. Yes, I mean “Bust.” What makes Mario’s efforts look even worse? Check out what last year’s Heisman winner Reggie Bush is doing for the Saints. Has yet to score a touchdown, but the man is electric whenever he touches the ball. Now they’d started to use him as a decoy, such as the double reverse fake against Atlanta on Monday Night.

If I were my friend, the A.D. of a certain university, and I needed to hire a new football coach, one of the first phone calls I’d make would be to Bob Toledo, the current offensive coordinator at New Mexico. Who, you’re asking? Bob Toledo, former coach at UCLA who went 49 – 32 in seven years. He was building the Bruins into a perennial winner, but then across town at USC, this coach named Pete Carroll started to win everything…Hard to compete in the same town as one who wins national championships, but Toledo was good and didn’t deserve to be fired. The man could flat out recruit, see names like Deshaun Foster, and the only flack fired at him was he needed a new defensive coordinator. But if I were you A.D., and failing to follow the advice of B.C.P. Baby, I needed to hire a new coach, I’d call Bob Toledo. You can thank me later.